Everything Books
Writing and reading and books, books, books (and anything that might relate)

October 7, 2012

You Got The Shovel Honey and I’ve Got the Time

I am reading Marian Keyes‘ The Mystery of Mercy Close. null

I love Marian Keyes’ writing; it makes me want to move to Ireland, wear green and say “Oh Jaysus!”

The narrator Helen Walsh is incredibly funny, and employs what she calls a shovel list. What is a shovel list, pray tell? A shovel list is all the people and things Helen wants to hit with a shovel. For instance, a man who calls her “hon” and lies to her. It made me think: What is on my shovel list? Keep in mind I would never actually hit a person with a shovel, or if I did it would be a super soft shovel. Plus many of the people on the Shovel List are ficitonal characters. It’s pretty darned varied…

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The person who answered the phone calling about a dentist’s appointment, then said “We can’t call you back if you don’t leave your phone number.” I did, twice. On the machine.

Miss Minchin from A Little Princess. Wasn’t she awful? Once she thinks Sara is desitute, she treats her terribly; making her wear a black dress, working her day to night. When Sara’s new guardians tell Miss Minchin off at the end, all that’s missing is a shovel.

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Levi Johnston. Okay, maybe I’m being harsh. He hasn’t done anything obnoxious lately. Unless you count the fact  he simply won’t go away.   Or maybe it’s because he was published before me. Take your pick.

Medusa from The Rescuers. Wasn’t she awful? I mean, kidnapping little Penny and then making her go find the Devil’s Eye diamond in the dark and scary cave. However, she can be spared the shovel because she was voiced by the wonderful Geraldine Page.

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Bradley Raines from Guiding Light. Bradley Raines was the alcoholic stepfather of heroine Beth Raines. We hated him right away (he pushed Beth down the stairs) In one year he managed to beat up Beth’s mom Lillian on a regular basis (played by Tina Sloan, who used to joke her co-stars for years yelled at her “Lillian! Go get me a beer!”) told Phillip Spaulding the truth about his parentage in the worst way possible, took Beth to a OB-GYN to check to see if she was still a virgin, broke the family’s television set, raped Beth while drunk, got a court order to force her to come home (she was scared no one would believe her about the rape) then followed her to New York City and stalked her and Phillip, then had the audacity to ask Lillian to take him back. Whew! Just writing this all down makes me want to hit Bradley with that shovel! Thanks to James Rehborn’s performance, it made Bradley all the more creepy.

Pete Campbell from Mad Men. Oh Pete. He oozes sleaze. From being rude to Peggy, making sexist remarks to Joan (and pimping her out to get the Jaguar account) and cheating on the lovely Trudy on a regular basis. He even raped the au pair in his apartment building. When recovering alcoholic Freddy Rumsen came to work at the SCPD agency, he refused to work with Pete. People across the country cheered when Lane Pryce punched him.

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This is my shovel list. What’s on yours?

*Keep in mind no shovels, people, or fictional characters were hurt while writing this blog. We are talking about a metaphorical shovel.